When You Don’t Want to Give to a Charity

When You Don’t Want to Give to a Charity

Four Ways to Say ‘No’ Without Feeling Like Scrooge

By Veronic Dagher in the Wall Street Journal

When Martin Booe bought shaving cream recently at a drugstore in his hometown of Los Angeles, he found himself in an uncomfortable situation.

The cashier asked him to donate money to a charity he didn’t want to support. While Mr. Booe, 54 years old, gives to charity elsewhere, he doesn’t like being asked when he’s shopping. He also doesn’t want to give to a charity he’s not familiar with. “The store is already getting my money,” he says. “It feels like a total shakedown.”

What especially upsets him is having to say “no” in front of other people. “It makes you look like this terrible person,” he says.

With the year-end fast approaching you’re likely to be bombarded by charitable-giving requests—some of which you may have no interest in supporting. The good news: Financial advisers and therapists say it’s fine to decline these requests.

Below, four reasons why it’s OK to say “no,” and how to do so without feeling like Scrooge.

1. You don’t have a personal connection.

While giving a dollar to a drugstore’s charity campaign probably isn’t going to break your bank, you still might want to say “no,” especially if you have no connection to the cause.

“Most people are inclined to give where they have a personal connection,” says Joseph Belfatto, a financial adviser in Morristown, N.J.

You can decline these requests by saying you’re dedicating your resources to a cause close to your heart (and then do so), Mr. Belfatto says.

Wistar Morris, a wealth adviser in Charlottesville, Va., suggests being more proactive rather than reactive in your charitable giving, so you know how to handle spur-of-the-moment requests. He says to identify issues, needs and opportunities that particularly resonate with you—say, education or homelessness—and focus on those.

For example, you may plan to give $2,000 to charity this year. Giving to your church and child’s school may seem equally important, but you still want to help your friend’s favorite charity. In turn, you may wish to earmark $900 to both the church and school and then allocate the remaining $200 to those one-off requests from friends. This way, you’re sticking to a budget and supporting the causes you’re passionate about, while retaining the flexibility to help causes that might not be in your area of interest.

You might feel more comfortable declining requests outside your budget because you’ll know exactly how you’re helping elsewhere. “Take a more strategic approach to giving,” says Mr. Morris.

2. You can’t afford it.

“You should prioritize obtaining personal financial sustainability before contributing financial assets to charity,” says John Voltaggio, managing director at Northern Trust in New York. Be sure you can afford to meet your own retirement goals and objectives first, he says.

That typically involves paying off all high-cost debt, maximizing contributions to savings plans to build a retirement nest egg, saving for children’s educations, and making sure adequate health, disability and life insurance is in place, he says. You should also build an emergency cash reserve in the event of a job loss, he says.

Until you’re on more solid financial footing, you may wish to consider donating your time to charity instead of money, says Mr. Voltaggio.

If you want to help but just can’t afford it this year, you can always tell the charity to put you on its mailing list for next year, when you might in a better financial position to give.

3. Your life changes.

J. Tyler Russell, a Dallas financial planner, worked with a client two years ago who was short on cash after taking a pay cut. The client’s main problem wasn’t that he was giving 10% to charity before his career change; it was that he kept giving the same dollar amount after the change, says Mr. Russell. That put his gifting at 20% of his income, left him with negative cash flow, and forced him to live off some of his retirement savings, Mr. Russell says.

While it’s admirable to give, charity often needs to start at home, financial advisers say.

“The best analogy that I can give when it comes to gifting is the standard airline-safety protocol,” says Mr. Russell. “If there is a sudden loss of air pressure in the cabin, secure your own mask before helping those around you. If you don’t secure your own finances before giving to those less fortunate, you could soon be joining them.”

Meanwhile, you may be able to help out by donating goods or clothes to your local Salvation Army store or to your house of worship.

4. You’re not sure about the charity’s financials.

If you’ve never heard of a charity, if a stranger approaches you on the street or calls you and asks for your credit-card number to make a donation, it’s wise not to give as it could be a scam, experts say.

“There seems to be an awful lot of scams and schemes to steal money from donors by pulling on their heartstrings and natural desire to help,” says Victor Ngai, an executive with Guardian Life in New York.

When in doubt, ask the charity to send you information in the mail so you can review it when you’re not feeling pressured to make a decision.

You’ll want to check out the charity’s website, and if you’re making a significant donation visit the organization to observe its work firsthand, says Mr. Ngai.

You should also check out the charity through websites such as charitynavigator.org, guidestar.org and the BBB Wise Giving Alliance (www.give.org), says Sara Montgomery, philanthropic specialist at Wells Fargo Private Bank in Denver.

And if the charity is legit but you still don’t want to give, it’s still OK just to say “no,” says Karol Ward, a New York psychotherapist.

“Remember, probably no one is judging you, but even if they are, you still have the right to say ‘no,’ ” she says. “Charitable giving is personal.”