In prepping, I never thought about
my wife not being by my side. We have both come to believe that the world, as
we know it, will evolve into a world where we do not belong. We both work to
make our home happy and educate our child. We are paying for braces on her
teeth, and we want the best for her. However, nine months ago, a close friend
of ours was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. We saw a lady go from
being a loving and caring wife, mother, and school teacher to a woman who
fought for her life and lost.
Now comes a time when we address
this situation between ourselves. First, do you want your spouse to remarry
quickly? If you have a child, do you want your spouse to devote as much time to
them before they remarry?
As for the friend I am talking
about, he has met a lady and is engaged just six months after his wife died.
His boys are both of college age and practically raised already. Some say that
my friend is not mourning long enough and he did not properly mourn his wife.
However, mourning is something we all do differently, and we do not need to
express our thoughts on mourning onto someone else. In the Book of
Ecclesiastes, it is said there is a time to mourn and time to rejoice. I
rejoice that he found a lady whose husband died from an inoperable brain tumor
also. I was in his office this week and saw a picture of his deceased wife. It
made me think about her, as I am sure he does often, but the main thing I can
do is support him and elevate him and his boys on my prayer list. I also let him
know that I am here if he needs to talk.
Now what would I want my wife to do?
Just today, a person died in front of the local grocery store in an automobile
accident. In an instant, that person’s spouse, if they are married, has their
life drastically changed. Having a plan in place will help ease the problems.
Just like many preppers have a plan in place to defend their homes and have
caches and other items, you must be prepared to help your family’s emotions. By
having a written plan, you, your spouse, and/or children can carry on easier.
Talk to your spouse and agree on
these things:
- Do you want to be on life support?
- Do you want the State to determine who gets custody of your children or who will get custody?
- Do you want the State to determine how your estate will be divided or do you want the final instruction regarding who gets what?
- Who will watch over the money you have for minor children?
- Do you need life insurance?
Now understand, if the world ends
today, don’t worry about any of this. The game changes, but for right now these
are legitimate concerns we should prepare for.
Having a will is very important. The
possessions of your spouse and yourself will be preserved by the will. Say you
aren’t married, you still need a will to transfer your ownership to the person
you choose. If you have minor children, you need to plan for if both of you
die. Who do you want to take care of your child(ren)? If you name nobody, the
courts get to decide. Do you want to take that chance?
I recommend that you consider
competent legal advice from an attorney who is up to date on the laws of your
state. You can use a “do-it-yourself” kit, but it could be contested as not
being valid at the time you signed it. Also, if you have a minor child or
children, you will get to name who controls the children and who controls the
money. They don’t have to be the same person.
You can name an older child as the
executor/executrix. You also can name anyone you choose as the
executor/executrix. If you do not, the courts will do it for you and will
usually appoint an attorney who will charge your estate a lot of money, leaving
less for your spouse or children. Choose this person wisely. I like certified
public accountants for this. They know the laws and tax code. Regardless,
choose wisely.
A will can be done for less than a
$1,000 and usually for a few hundred dollars. The more complicated the will,
the more the cost. Everyone who has anything should have a will. This will
should include cars, homes, retirement accounts, and other stuff.
Some people call these a living
will. It allows you to decide if you want lifesaving treatment, even though you
might be a burden to your family. I do not want to be a burden to my family. If
I cannot sustain daily functions, I have made it a priority to walk with the
Prince of Peace, so I might have eternal peace. My wife and child know this,
and we all have talked about what each of us wants.
The attorney will need to do this
for you. Hospitals have to follow it. You need to choose someone who is strong
enough to give this form to your doctors or nurses.
Let your spouse know, in writing,
what you want for them to do after your body is buried, burned, or dumped. I
have a letter that addresses where to find my life insurance policies, my
stashed stuff, and how I would like for her to take care of our daughter
through each phase of life.
Just in case you and your spouse die
together, let the children know where to find your life insurance policies. Let
them know about the IRAs, the coins, the education accounts, and at which banks
you have money. If you have a minor child, address this letter to the person
that will handle the money in your will. This will help, and if the kid(s) know
where all the money is located, it will help an unscrupulous attorney be sued
for malpractice if they to keep any of the money.
Term life insurance is relatively
cheap. Does everyone need term life insurance? “No!” If you don’t have a
mortgage and a pot full of gold, silver, and cash, then do not get any. If you
have a mortgage, consider it. If you have a mortgage and some other secured
debt, get it. This will pay off your debts and allow your spouse and/or
children to continue on with no debt. Also, if you are the only earner in the
family, you might need some. This will provide a source of money to live on
until your spouse or children can live on their own.
My father has prepaid for his
funeral. It saved him a boat load of money. He paid $6,000 for a funeral in
1998. The same funeral he prepaid for would now cost $10,000. That’s not a bad
investment. Also, it provides peace of mind to me. He gets the funeral he
wanted, rather than the funeral I want for him. I do not have to make decisions
that should be his. This works great in all occasions. I am considering doing
the same for my wife and child. During the time of death and mourning, spouses
have to make some tough decisions. Doing this funeral planning helps take a big
burden off their shoulders.
I know there was an article on Odds
& Sods about a company selling a burial plot out from under her. Be careful
of where you choose to be your final resting place. Many municipalities operate
graveyards. Consider this.
If you have investments, you need a
list of those investments on-hand for your spouse or child. A good certified
public accountant will help you make logical decisions for your situation. For
example, if you have a term life insurance policy and die, your spouse will get
to decide to take a lump sum payment or a structured series of payments over a
number of years. There are companies who will make money buying structured
payments at a fraction of their value because someone made a bad decision on
what to do with the money. You can also take a partial lump-sum payment and
then take the annuity on the remaining amount. A good certified public
accountant should be able to meet with you, discuss your needs, and formulate a
plan. I like certified public accountants because they work for you rather than
for the insurance company.
Also, you will have to choose what
to do with retirement accounts. There again, a competent certified public
accountant should help you. You will have to understand the tax implications of
what to do with rollovers, including taking the money out and considering the
cost of investing. Beware of a certified public accountant who tries to sell
you anything other than their knowledge. At this point, they become a
salesperson and not your advocate.
If we are prepared for the
end-of-the-world, why wouldn’t we be prepared for when our life ends? It could
be after a post-apocalypse situation, a full assault of zombies, a brain tumor
with Obamacare, or a freak car accident.
Anyway, when you are prepared, the
outcome is more certain than when rash decisions are made. This is true in
death, whether it’s a result of your house is being burglarized or an assault
upon you by a thug. It will not cost much to do the things I have laid out. It
will primarily take time and understanding. You need to talk these things out
prior to penning them down.
I encourage you to seek competent
legal, accounting, and personal knowledge. By developing a relationship with
professionals, you can feel better about your decisions. It will also give time
to make new relationships, if you need to.
I have done all of these things out
of love for my wife and daughter. I want their mourning time to be minimal, and
I want my wife and daughter to remember me as a husband and father who cared
enough to make sure they could enjoy their lives after my life ends. Finally, I
have asked our pastor and his wife to check in on my wife if I die or my
daughter if we both die. I want them to keep a source of connection to me until
they can end the mourning process. I think a person can end the mourning
process a lot easier when they are not stressed about money. Also, I want them
to appreciate the things I did to help them even after I am no longer on this
earth. As one buddy stated, “I would rather them thank God I was their husband
and/or father instead of curse me for leaving them destitute”.
From the Survival Blog
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